As I near my 21st birthday I am reminded of the fact that a couple of years ago I did not think I would make it this far. I thought I would die before I reached the age of 21. I guess you can say I had a kind of obsession with death. It was a bad obsession. I thought I would die at a young age, which still may be true but I am no longer scared and frankly I have a different hope.
I have a feeling that a movie I watched in high school called Remember Me affected me that way. It starred Robert Patterson and he was 21. He just knew he wouldn’t make it past that age because his brother committed suicide at age 21. Sorry for the spoiler alert, but he actually does die at 21 during 9/11. He was in one of the Twin Towers. Okay, I haven’t seen that movie since then but now I’m remembering how awesomely epic it was. Anyway, either it had a huge affect on how I viewed living up until age 21 and beyond or it just reinforced the fate I’d already decided for myself. I’m leaning more towards the latter because before that movie came out I had watched hours of Unsolved Mysteries, Dateline NBC and any other brutal death/mystery show you can think of. Whatever the case, I became more of a death-fearing girl as the years passed; sometimes it was a conscious thought, and sometimes unconscious. When I was young I used to have to decide whether I was going to sleep with my feet or head facing the door. If the intruder, because in my 9 year old head there WAS going to be an intruder, came into my room he could either shoot my feet first or my head first. You can probably guess which body part/s I was willing to sacrifice first. I also vividly remember a night when I was reading about near death experiences and how people had seen “the light.” It’s pretty intriguing stuff guys. People say they saw their loved ones and felt a great peace come upon them. In fact they did NOT desire to return to our world. I don’t know how similar my and those people’s world views are but mine has changed tremendously since then.
Obviously, when I first became a Christian my views on death did not immediately change. I would often think, “how can we live forever?!” “Wouldn’t we get bored???” I also started fearing going to Hell. That was until a friend sat me down and told me that it wasn’t about whether I was going to heaven or hell. He told me to simply keep my eyes on Jesus. The purpose of going anywhere at that point was to be with Him. The setting was unimportant, but who was there most certainly was important. That was the “breakthrough” so to speak. My anxiety lifted slowly, but surely it did.
Now as I learn about the concept of glorification I am even more excited. Not only do I get to dwell with Jesus for eternity but He is going to make it worth my while. New heaven AND new earth too? What?! Glorified bodies that no longer face sickness or death?! AND I get to dwell with the love of my life for eternity? Sign me up.
Whether I die today, tomorrow, or 50 years from now I have a better hope than I had just a few years ago. “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39. That is truth and that is hope. And that is the best birthday present I could have ever asked for.
The Sun's Flower 